Healing through Heartbreak: How to care for yourself after a breakup

By: Aisha Jabarkhiel, Marriage and Family Therapist Intern

Breakups suck - there’s no sugarcoating it. One minute you’re planning future vacations and talking about adopting a dog together, and the next you’re scrolling through sad playlists on Spotify, wondering if you’ll ever be loved again. Heartbreak is a universal experience that can be incredibly painful, but - believe it or not - it is survivable! Here’s a guide on how to

love yourself through the chaos and come out stronger on the other side.

1. Let yourself feel all the feels

Heartbreak isn’t just emotional - it’s physical too. Studies have shown that emotional pain triggers the same part of the brain as physical pain. Researchers at the University of Michigan found that the brain’s response to social rejection mimics physical pain sensations (Kross et al., 2011). So if your chest feels heavy or your appetite is gone, that’s your brain’s

way of processing the loss. Give yourself permission to cry, binge that sad Netflix series, or even write angry journal entries. Suppressing your emotions only drags out the healing process.

2. Set boundaries with the past

Unfollowing your ex on social media isn’t petty - it’s self care. Seeing their posts and

Instagram stories can make you feel stuck. Research published shows that frequent exposure to an ex’s social media can hinder emotional recovery post-breakup (Marshall, 2012). Consider a digital detox, or at least a “mute” button if you’re not ready to sever connections entirely. Boundaries are about protecting your peace, not playing games.

3. Reconnect with yourself

When you’re in a relationship, it is easy to lose sight of your individual identity. Take this

time to rediscover what makes you happy. Try that pottery class you’ve been eyeing, start

journaling, or spend time with friends you may have drifted from. This is your chance to reclaim your life.

4. Move your body (even if you don’t want to)

Exercise releases endorphins, which help improve your mood. You don't have to become a fitness guru overnight - just a 10-minute walk can work wonders. According to the Mayo Clinic, physical activity boosts the production of brain chemicals that alleviate stress and anxiety. Movement reminds your body that you’re alive and capable of healing.

5. Seek support

You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether it’s talking to friends, joining a support

group, or seeking therapy, having a sounding board is essential. Sharing your experience can help lighten the emotional load and offer new perspectives on moving forward.

6. Gratitude amid the pain

It might sound cheesy, but finding small things to be grateful for each day can shift your

focus. Maybe it’s the friend who checked in on you, your favorite coffee, or even the fact that

you got through the day without texting your ex. Gratitude helps build resilience. Healing takes time. There’s no fast track to getting over a breakup. It isn’t linear and that’s okay.

What matters is showing up for yourself each and every day, even when it’s hard. Heartbreak

may feel like the end, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

Remember:

YOU are the love of your life!

References

Kross, E., Berman, M. G., Mischel, W., Smith, E. E., & Wager, T. D. (2011). Social rejection

shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. Proceedings of the National

Academy of Sciences, 108(15), 6270–6275. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1102693108

Marshall, T. C. (2012). Facebook surveillance of former romantic partners: Associations with

post-breakup recovery and personal growth. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social

Networking, 15(10), 521–526. https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2012.0207