Self-Care: The Fine Line Between Helpful and Overwhelming. Am I doing too much?

By: Kayleigh La Gray, Marriage and Family Therapist Intern

Self-care is the buzzword that makes us feel we should spend time in the bubble bath with a face mask and enjoying a glass of wine (if that’s your thing… I know it’s mine), all while reading, meditating, and journaling simultaneously. Yeah, all these things are great in theory, but at what point does our self-care practice go from being helpful and fulfilling to yet another chore on our daily to-do list? 

Self-care is supposed to be about reducing stress and anxiety. Not adding to it. Yet, I am sure that at some point, we have all felt that our self-care journey is more of an obligation rather than something we can look forward to and truly benefit from. The National Institute of Mental Health states that self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve your physical and mental health. Keeping this in mind, when self-care starts feeling like a chore, it’s time to reassess what self-care looks like in your life.

Am I doing too much? 

Ask yourself a few questions to assess whether your self-care is working for you or against you. 

1. Does it feel like a chore?

Are you forcing yourself to wake up at 5 AM to run 10 miles before taking the kids to school, working, or going to school yourself? If it feels forced, then it’s most likely a chore. A gentle push is excellent! But if you feel like it’s causing more harm than good, you’re probably not practicing efficient self-care. 

2. Do I feel guilty if I miss a day of self-care?

While prioritizing self-care can positively impact overall health and quality of life, you should never feel guilty for skipping a day or two of self-care. Our lives are undeniably busy. Give yourself some grace if you have to stay late at work, finish a final paper, or take care of a sick kiddo. It’s okay to go to bed at the end of the day without participating in whatever self-care activity fulfills you. 

3. Where is my stress – less or more since I’ve started practicing self-care?

Does the thought of going into your 5- 10- 20- 30-minute self-care mode send you over the edge? If so, you should find something that better suits your lifestyle. As a full-time grad student, the last thing I want to do for self-care is go on a run at any point of the day. And that’s okay. But in the current state of my life, what is a better way I can practice self-care? For me, it’s reading all the gushy, steamy romance novels. Finding what suits your lifestyle is a significant factor in whether or not your self-care is creating more or less stress. 

How can I find my perfect self-care balance for me?

1. Simplicity is key

Don’t get me wrong, I love a luxurious spa day as much as the next girl, but your girl is on a budget. Who says that sitting on the grass outside, listening to your favorite music album, or doing a spa day at home doesn’t have the same effect as something luxurious? Treat yourself to a fancy spa when you can, but in a daily practice, make it simple!

2. Focus on what feels good for you – not anyone else 

Self-care isn’t one size fits all. It looks different for everyone! Glowiak (2024) provides several areas and examples of self-care, including emotional self-care: which can look like journaling; financial self-care: setting up a budgeting plan; physical self-care: working out, scheduling doctor appointments that have been pushed off; social self-care: meeting up with friends for a fun night out, and spiritual self-care; praying, meditation, or participating a small group hosted by church members. 

3. Quality > Quantity

I get it. We want to do ALL the things to be our best selves. But it goes back to what I had previously said… is it just another chore on your to-do list? Focus on one, maybe two self-care practices that fulfill you. It’s less on your plate and will likely become more routine. Adding one thing to your agenda for the day is far more manageable than adding ten.

Practicing self-care shouldn’t be about checking the box indicating “task completed.” It’s about willingly participating in what truly works best in caring for yourself. Again, everyone is different. What works for one person’s lifestyle, personality, and needs may not work for you. But find what does. If a 10-step self-care routine doesn’t work for you, don’t force it. One step of self-care is far greater than zero steps of self-care! 

References

Glowiak, M. (2024). What is self-care and why is it important for you?. Southern New Hampshire University. https://www.snhu.edu/about-us/newsroom/health/what-is-self-care 

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2024). Caring for your mental health. National Institute of Mental Health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/caring-for-your-mental-health